Her Colonel
by Lynniebear27
Summary: Something about the way he had said 'your Colonel' got to her. Sam Carter would have no sleep tonight.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: They're not mine. Don't sue. The end.

Season: Eight

Pairings: Sam/Jack, slight Sam/Pete

That night, Sam was on autopilot as she went about her normal bedtime routines. She did everything as usual: washed her face, slipped on some PJs, gently pecked Pete on the lips, switched the night stand light off, and snuggled deep into the covers. But Sam knew something was bothering her, and was unprepared to admit to herself what that was.

Carter knew the moment she allowed herself to acknowledge that the statement was disturbing to her; she would have to face the underlying issues. Sam would and had done almost anything to prolong that certain internal discussion. She turned restlessly as his voice kept taunting her. She would find no sleep tonight.

'_We wouldn't want to keep your Colonel waiting, now would we?_' The words had been said in jest, but still… there was something about them that she just couldn't get out of her head.

The scene from earlier that evening played out in her mind's eye. _She was wearing a light blue sundress that complimented her azure orbs, and next to her stood her fiancé, clad in his uniform. The blue fabric on his arm was rough against her waist and she remembered Pete hadn't had any time to change before the gathering; he had come straight from work. Sam noticed he seemed more confident than usual and guessed that could be attributed to his outfit. _

_There was a beautiful cake and decorations everywhere; Cassie had insisted on them. After all, it was Sam's engagement party. It was fairly warm out; perfect for a backyard barbeque. She was relieved to see that the backyard lawn and landscaping looked nice; that new neighbor boy she had recently hired had done a good job. _

_Sam was amazed that her backyard could hold so many people. Almost everyone from the SGC was in attendance, and several of Pete's fellow policemen and their families had showed. In fact, the one talking to Pete right now, (Officer…Pandry? Ponly, was it?) had just said something amusing she supposed, because Pete was laughing and had his gaze fixed on hers; silently asking her to pay attention._

_She gave a weak chuckle in return. Carter knew she should probably be enjoying every moment of this celebration, but her mind kept wandering to places…and people…that it shouldn't. She heard a few crashes and bangs and then a rather loud curse coming from her kitchen window, which was followed by a ruffled Daniel nearly tripping down the back steps as he hurried to her. He was sporting a rather nasty looking bump on his head._

_"Sam!" he breathed when he reached her, but then blushed slightly as he realized he was interrupting the conversation between the policeman and Pete that the Major was stuck in the middle of. He gathered himself and began again,_ _"Excuse me, but Jack is in urgent need of Sam's assistance in the kitchen," he addressed Pete, "You don't mind if I steal her for a few minutes do you?" and then quieter, to me, "He's been trying his hand at cooking again…with beer."_

_She drew in a sigh, recollecting the last team night he had attempted this. He had almost set the house on fire. The problem with Jack O'Neill, beer, and a stove was that he didn't use all of the alcohol in the food. In fact, a great deal ended up being consumed by him._

_Pete's smile was tight and Sam could tell he was embarrassed to be having this exchange in front of his friend. He looked down at her, "Of course not, we wouldn't want to keep your Colonel waiting, now would we?" His tone was light, but his smile didn't reach his cold eyes._

_A shiver ran up her spine. She smiled indulgently as he held her gaze a few seconds longer, with meaning. Translation: he was not happy. But, he reluctantly unwound his arm from her and resumed talking with his companion while she went to check on Jack._

_When she arrived in the kitchen, she almost gasped. Jack was humming happily by the stove, pouring the alcoholic liquid over a pan containing some kind of O'Neill concoction. The scary part was the pots, pans, and general ingredients that were scattered about her kitchen. "Sir?" she hesitantly asked._

_He turned to face her, eyebrows raised, "Carter! Good to see you. What are you doing here? I thought you were out mingling with Paul." She ignored his (intentional?) mistake._

_Sam took a step forward, "I thought you could use some help."_

_His voice turned gruff, "I already told Daniel to bug off. I'm just fine, thank you."_

_Daniel peaked out from behind the doorway, clearly wary from his last visit, "Jack, I think it would be best if we left now. You've had too much to drink, and we both know you'll regret this in the morning."_

_Jack viciously spun to face Daniel, his stare piercing, "What does it matter? It'll just be another one to add to the list."_

_Sam coaxed, "Sir, please. Let me help you with this mess."_

_Jack concentrated on her, and she could see the slightly glassy look to his brown orbs. "And you, Carter, you are one of my biggest regrets," his words were laced with sadness, "Soon you'll be married to that cop and I…I won't have anyone…"_

_"O'Neill," Teal'c's strong voice interjected as he entered the kitchen, apparently having caught enough of the Colonel's ramblings to know he needed to be stopped, "We must depart." He placed a firm hand on his comrade's shoulder and literally walked him to the front door. _

_Daniel kissed her cheek and apologized for Jack. He gave his congratulations and wished her well. Sam now stood in her cluttered kitchen wishing for all the world that Jack could have finished what he'd started to say; hoping that it was what she wanted to hear._

Sam sighed deeply. She wouldn't recognize the butterflies and feelings that rose within her at the thought of him. She had to be the good soldier and deny what she knew she really wanted. It was tearing her apart inside.

'_...your Colonel..._' What made it worse was that Pete, consciously or subconsciously, had already identified the feelings she harbored for her Commanding Officer. She could feel the jealousy emanate from him at just the mention of O'Neill's name. She knew he couldn't let her go. He'd been hurt too many times before; he needed to believe that she would be the one that would never intentionally break his heart.

'…_your Colonel…' _Sam felt love for Pete, but understood that it wasn't a passionate one. But he was secure; he openly expressed his emotions for her. She couldn't break it off with him when she didn't even know if Jack felt the same about her. But by the way he'd been talking…she was sure there was something there and she felt she owed it to them to find out for certain. It wasn't fair to Pete to drag him into a marriage when she was positive she didn't love him nearly as much as he did her.

Sam felt fear grip her as she realized the full impact and implications of her thoughts. She was effectively saying that she was going to break her fiancé's heart to pursue a man she didn't even know liked her, let alone wanted a relationship with her. There would be a lot for them to consider if he did, though. This thought excited her; if he did reciprocate her feelings. That was it, she decided. No matter what, tomorrow she had to set things straight. Ending things with Pete would be hard, but it was the right thing to do. She wouldn't trap him in a one-way marriage. If things worked out with Jack, that would be icing on the cake, and she so hoped they did. Sam would gather her courage in the morning, but for tonight, she would finally get some sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

The next morning, Sam awoke to sunlight shining in through her bedroom window and the smell of coffee. She rolled over, and was stunned to find she had the whole bed to herself. Pete's side of the bed was cold and empty. Shrugging stiff shoulders, the Major stretched before dragging her feet into the kitchen.

The sleepy woman was met with a wonderful surprise. Pete was pulling pancakes off the skillet. He had obviously set the table with steaming coffee, silverware, and a vas full of bright yellow sunflowers. Sam smiled at his thoughtfulness, but it faded quickly when she remembered what she had resolved to do last night.

Pete finally turned to face her, carrying two plates of pancakes, toast, and fruit. After setting them on the table, he kissed her cheek and she was astounded when he didn't feel her tense under his touch. "Morning, babe." He pulled out a chair, "Have a seat. I made you a real breakfast today."

Sam studied his brown orbs that were so unlike the ones she longed for. These were lighter, more innocent, and filled with pride and love. The eyes she dreamt of were hardened, deeper. They glowed with self-deprecation and hidden intelligence.

She could see her fiancé's fragile heart showing through those brown windows. She couldn't possibly hurt him after he'd made such a beautiful gesture. Sighing, she plastered on a fake smile and took the offered seat. His cooking was exquisite, so unlike O'Neill's beer omelets. Yet, something about Jack's food was endearing. It was like he made it with his unique personality. Looking down at her half-way eaten meal, she found it to be ordinary and lacking in creativity.

Sam mentally reprimanded herself for the unprecedented comparisons she was making. Finishing up, they cleared the table together. When that was done, the Major gently took Pete's hand and led him to the living room.

She began carefully, "Thanks for breakfast. It was really great."

"You're welcome, hon," he placed a light kiss on her lips. When she didn't reciprocate, he knew something was up, "but, you didn't bring me here just to say that, did you?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Sam calmly took a breath, "You know I love you, Pete."

"But…" he prompted.

"I just don't think I'm _in_ love with you."

Her face pleaded with him to understand, but he brushed her statement off, "All brides feel like this before their weddings. It's just jitters. They'll go away after the 'I do's'."

She struggled to find words to make him understand, "No, I don't think they will. I've been…having second thoughts for a while now," she admitted.

Pete just laughed, "Stop being silly, Sam. We're getting married in a few months. If you were going to break it off, your window of opportunity was when I proposed."

She was getting frustrated now, "I am not a child, Pete. I know what my own feelings are, and I know that however much you love me, I can never love you back with that intensity."

The smile slipped from his lips abruptly and his features were as icy as his voice, "Of course you can, babe. You have to, because you made me a very serious promise when you let me put that ring on your finger. And I'm not about to let you break it."

Sam fidgeted, knowing this wasn't going her way. She reminded herself how he'd been let down in the past, and slight guilt flooded her, "Pete, I know how terrible it was for you when your wife left, and when your girlfriend cheated on you, and I'm really not trying to-"

He cut her off harshly, "Not trying to what, Sam? Not trying to break my heart, make me sink so low that I want to commit suicide again?" She flinched at this, knowing full well how deep his depression ran after Cathy left him, "Well, it sure as hell sounds like you're doing a pretty crappy job if that's what you're _not_ trying to do."

She reached out to him, but he slapped her hand away, "Pete, it wouldn't be fair for you to marry me," she attempted to reason with him.

Thick sarcasm filled the air, "Oh, of course it wouldn't be fair for me to finally get the perfect woman. I mean, look at you, Sam! After everything I've been through, I finally thought this was the big pay off. I thought, 'Pete, this is what you were waiting for. All your suffering is over now'," self-disgust twisted his features, "How could I have been so stupid?" He turned away from her.

Sam's heart lurched. She walked around so he was in front of her and lifted his chin. She could see the angry lines marring his skin. She spoke firmly, "You're wrong, Pete. I am not the perfect woman," she gave a hollow laugh, "Far from it. You have no idea how many lives I've been forced to take in combat. Would an angel do that?" He didn't respond and she continued, "I couldn't cook to save my life, am never home, and hog the covers. I often put my team and work before you. I have so much baggage that it could probably fill the whole SGC. I am independent to the point of obsession, and half the time no one knows what I'm on about-"

He pulled from her grasp roughly, "Stop! Just stop! I don't care about any of that. You see, that's what makes you perfect, babe," his voice ended softly. She could see the wetness threatening to spill from his eyes.

Sam regretted this whole thing instantly, but it was too late to turn back now. She kept her chin high. Her words were sympathetic, "Oh, Pete, I know you honestly believe that, but I can't trap you in a one-sided marriage. You don't see it now, but a year from now, or maybe two; I know in my heart that we won't be happy. You'll grow to resent how little I can be with you; you'll want a whole clan of kids and they'll need a full-time mother. My work just won't permit that. And do you really think you can spend the rest of your life worrying about me when I'm on missions; knowing I could be killed any second of the day?"

She could tell he knew she was right, but wasn't ready to confess it yet, "Anything is worth being with you."

"You're a good man, Pete Shanahan. You really are. And perhaps this wasn't your 'big pay off', but I am certain that you _will_ get it one day. Can't you feel how wrong we are together?"

His posture radiated defeat, "Just answer me this: are you calling it off because we aren't right, or because there's someone you'd rather be with?"

The least she could do was be honest with him, "Everything I've said has been my true convictions, Pete. I can't say that I don't think there are better possibilities for us out there, though."

"Is there anyone specific?" Those telling irises conveyed that he already knew the answer.

"Yes." She felt like dirt.

Sam waited for him to blow up or storm out or something, but he stood unmoving. When he did finally speak, his voice was tight, "So that's it, then. He's won. And I've lost."

"You haven't lost. Please, think of this as a chance to find somebody who deserves you. Lord knows I don't."

"As mad as I am at you now, even I know that isn't true. You deserve much better than a burnt out cop, Sam. I won't tell you that I approve of _him_, but if you know beyond a doubt that he can make you happy; I won't stop you."

Relief flooded her and she tentatively gave him a hug, "Thank you, Pete. I wasn't lying when I said you're a good man."

She heard him fighting the lump in his throat. He squeezed her tightly one more time and then let her go, "I'll have my stuff out of here by the end of the week."

Sam understood how hard it would be for him to leave this house. He was the one who had picked it out, and he was the one that loved it. The Major made a decision, "No, you keep the house. I'll find someplace else to stay for a while before buying something permanent."

Pete started to protest, but she held up a hand to silence him. Wordlessly, he nodded his thanks. She grabbed her keys off the table and walked out their front door for the last time. From now on, it would be his. With a sad smile, she took a last look at their house.

Sam started the engine in her Volvo and left all the memories of them at that house where they would be protected. She was confident Pete would find another woman to mend his heart. She took a deep breath, and traveled further and further from his residence.

Carter looked forward now. She was on a different, and perhaps more difficult, mission now. Jack O'Neill was, after all, a hard man to get through to. But that wouldn't deter this USAF soldier from trying.

'…_your Colonel…'_ Not yet, she thought, but he would be.

A/N: I wasn't planning on giving this story any more chapters, but you all were just so sweet, I couldn't resist. By the way, if anyone still remembers my other stories, I'm reworking them and trying to find more inspiration to write! Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Sam strode with false confidence up Jack's front steps. The slight breeze blew her delicate blonde hair as she raised a hesitant hand. She gave three firm raps and waited...and waited. She glanced quickly at his truck parked clearly in the driveway and was assured he must be home. Confused, she rang the doorbell, but still got no answer.

After ten minutes of admiring the dark oak of his door, she concluded that he must have stayed with Daniel last night. Disappointment flowed through her, not sure if she would ever be able to build up this kind of crazy courage again. Turning toward her car with slumped shoulders, she was surprised to hear a gruff voice behind her.

"Carter? What are you doing here?"

Slowly, Sam finished her spin and found a disheveled Colonel O'Neill wearing a T-shirt and shorts. You wouldn't have known how drunk he was yesterday except for the slightly bloodshot eyes. He was faintly out of breath, and she discovered the cause. His golden retriever, Homer, was anxiously pulling at the leash Jack was holding. They had obviously just returned from jogging.

She was speechless, her resolve evaporating, "Uh…well…"

Her sound faded and he mercifully filled the silence, "We were just going inside," he motioned to his door.

She quickly removed herself from his path, "Yeah, sorry."

He eyed her skeptically as he walked Homer up the steps and skillfully unlocked and maneuvered the door with one hand. He stepped inside and held the oak open, "Well?" Sam took the hint and followed after him.

"Dang dog," she heard him mutter under his breath on their way to the kitchen, "Just once, I'd like you to not pull me along for the ride, okay?" The retriever didn't seem to be listening as he led his owner to the empty water bowl and stared impatiently up at him.

Jack gave in and asked Sam to hold the leash as he filled the dish. Homer happily lapped up the liquid while Jack detached his leash from the collar.

They stood awkwardly for a moment and his suspicious look was back, "You're quiet today, Shanahan," something flashed in her eyes and he shrugged, "Just thought I'd try it out." She could tell by the wrinkle on his nose when the name was said that he didn't like it at all. "So, what's up, Carter? You don't normally drop by out of the blue to say hello."

Sam mentally built herself up for what she needed to tell him. Trying not to give away her nerves, she remembered why she had thought this was a good idea. She owed it to them to see if he felt the same way, especially after the whole fiasco with Pete. Sam was half-way there, but something suddenly hit her. She had everything to lose.

Her career could be jeopardized. Certainly her shaky relationship with the Colonel would be ruined. This would no doubt affect the team dynamics. How could she face him if he wasn't interested?

Sam shoved down those negative thoughts as she recollected the hurt she'd caused Pete. No, she wouldn't let that have been in vain. The chance would be taken, "I need to tell you something, sir."

He offered her a 'duh' look and she continued, "About yesterday…" she saw him wince.

Jack interrupted, "Carter, I'm sorry about that. I was smashed, so…"

She held up a palm to quiet him, "I'm not mad, I just want to know if you meant what you said."

"I wish I could tell you, but I don't remember anything after four o'clock." Sam could tell he knew what she was talking about though, by the glimmer of guilt in his eye.

"Sir, please."

"Does it matter now anyway? You're getting married in a couple months to that…cop," he spit the last word in repulsion.

Alright Sam, she thought, it's confession time, "What if I weren't?"

"Carter..." he rubbed a hand through his graying hair, "You _are_. It's not worth considering, okay?"

"But, what if it were?" she challenged.

The same hand rubbed tiredly over his eyes, "You're playing in dangerous waters, Sam."

"Maybe I like the waves."

Their intense orbs met and connected until Homer decided he wasn't getting enough attention. The mutt brushed against Sam and whined. She broke contact with Jack and knelt down to scratch Homer's belly. She briefly smiled when she saw his tail wagging ecstatically. Then she saw Jack's face. He wasn't going to let this go.

"Some things are better left on land, where they're safe."

"You mean kept locked away in a room?" she stood and Homer ambled contentedly off to sleep.

"You were the one who wanted it that way," he reminded her, just a touch of bitterness lacing his tone.

"Maybe I don't want that anymore; maybe I think certain things should see the light of day now."

"They've had all the light they can have and we both know it."

Sam realized frustratingly that speaking in these riddles was getting them nowhere. She would have to be blunt and the first one to make a move, "Pete and I broke up," she waited with baited breath for his response.

She could tell he chose his next words carefully, "I'm sorry to hear that. Must have been hard," The look that came across his features said he wasn't apologetic in the very least. Still, he tried not to show his emotions.

"It was," she stated truthfully, "but we weren't what each other needed."

Would he take the opportunity her words left open, she wondered. She didn't have long to ponder it, "And just what do you think you need?"

This was it; she swallowed hard before answering, "You."

The single word flew from her mouth meekly. A small grin tugged the corner of his lips upward. It seemed that before he could get control of himself, he had picked her up in a tight embrace.

Abruptly scared that he had moved to fast, he set her down, "Me," he spoke in awe, "you think you need me."

She nodded furiously as she felt water well in her eyes. She was surprised at how easy Jack had confessed his own feelings, even through this simple gesture. He broke into a full-blown grin and hugged her again, but she was puzzled when he pulled back.

"This changes everything, Sam," she felt flutters in her stomach as he mentioned her name for a second time that morning; "This does mean what I think it means?" Still, she knew he was holding something back.

"If you'll have me, Jack. I've put off what I really wanted for too long. I don't care what we have to do to make it work."

This was a completely surreal moment for both of them, and what he said next only assured her of how seriously he was taking this. He talked leisurely and with meaning, "Think about this; our careers will be over, or at least one of us will have to go. Do we want to give up what we've worked so hard for? And after we go public with our relationship, there will always be speculation that you slept your way to the top. Who knows what will happen with SG-1 and how Danny and Teal'c will feel. Not to mention, what will your dad say?" Sam knew he didn't care about any of that; he was just making sure she understood what she was getting in to.

Sam reassured, "I've already thought about all of that, and I don't care. Yes, I love my work and I know you do as well, but for the first time in my life, I'm willing to give that up for the man I love."

She hadn't meant for that to slip out so soon, but the damage was done.

He didn't let on that her words affected him, "You think that now, Sam, but you'll end up resenting me and I can't let you throw your life out the window for some old man. Your happiness is too important to me."

Sam's heart swelled and she truly thought that if she never walked into the SGC again, she wouldn't mind a bit as long as she could be with Jack.

She shook her head, "I told you, you're what I need. All that matters to me now is what _you_ think. How _you_ feel about this, because no matter how bad your 'special' omelets are or how annoying it is when you fidget; I do want this more than anything."

He was still not convinced, "You're so young and beautiful. You don't deserve someone like me. You deserve somebody so much better."

She understood this was just his self-doubt rearing its ugly head. "No, Jack. I'm the lucky one. After how badly I hurt Pete with realizing I wasn't ready to marry him…"

That caught his attention, "You dumped Pete? I thought you both agreed to end things…"

"No, this morning-"

He cut her off and strange anger filled his voice, "This morning?"

She was taken aback by his tone, "Y-yes, after breakfast-"

"So you woke up, discovered you had cold feet, ended your engagement, and decided you'd come over here for a little comfort fest, is that it?"

"What are you talking about?"

He started pacing and then in one swift move knocked a couple dirty glasses off the counter. The crash made her jump, now very worried and even more confused.

"How could I have been so stupid? You shoot what I want to hear out of your mouth and I fall for it," his hand was back at work on his salt-and-pepper locks, "All I am is the rebound guy; or the last roll in the sack before you go live your fantastic life with Petey-boy."

"Jack, it's not like that. I'm not lying about this. I couldn't be that cruel." She reached a hand to him, but he kept moving.

"Really? Aren't you just playing with me? How could I ever think you'd trash your precious career for me?"

Sam was sick of this. She roughly grabbed his shoulders and made him stay stationary. Then, she spoke very clearly, "I love you. This is not a game. Wake up or else you're going to lose me again. I left Pete because I've loved you for a very long time, and now I'm finally ready to stop pretending to myself."

She tried with all her might to convey her sincerity through her blue orbs, and was relieved when she felt his shoulders loosen. "If you're messing with me, Sam, I don't think I can take it. If not, I'm willing to retire; do anything you want," the power she had over him scared him.

She gently laced her fingers through his, "Okay, let's figure this out together then. But right now, I want to just enjoy your company." A slow smile spread across her lips.

Right then, on top of the broken glass covering his kitchen floor, he kissed her. And she knew everything would be alright. They would make this relationship work, and she could proudly say, '_He's __my__ Colonel'_.


End file.
